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Left Behind

Journal Entry: Tue Apr 29, 2008, 11:32 PM
sometimes, it feels as if life is just one never ending race.
I'm running and running and running, and I've been running for so long I've forgotten what it is I'm running for, or where I'm running TO. Am I even moving anymore?

Bobby died today. 8:13 AM. He had gone into the hospital yesterday complaining of stomach pains and difficulty breathing. The doctor called me at 6 this morning after Bobby had a seizure and I was with him every second until the end...It was the second person I had to watch die beneath my fingertips.

He was scared at first. Or maybe he was just reflecting what I was feeling. It was JUST like Sarah, only in full, horrifying color. But looking into those beautiful grey eyes, I knew he knew the truth behind everything we'd been lying to eachother about. Everything we'd been lying to OURSELVES about;Nothing was ever the same after Jason left us, there's no debating that. No one will EVER be able to replace him in our hearts. I don't know why we even tried...

There's ...just nothing I can say. I don't know WHAT to say...Bobby, for as much of an asshole he liked to be, was my best friend. He was there through out EVERYTHING. And despite the ugliness of our past, remained my friend.

Maybe the reason I'm so sad is because this truly is the closing of that chapter of my life. No one else knew Jason, Luke, Jonathan, no one can reminisce with me about all the stupid things we did together or how desperately i loved each and every one of those boys. No one will ever understand what they meant to me and how big a part of my life they are. With Bobby's passing, I think I lost the last bit of hope that I could turn around my life, that I could keep something from my past, in my future...

I don't feel the loss or emptiness as badly as the others. I think I'm numb to the pain. So many precious people in my life have left me behind and I'm just ...so tired.

How much can one heart take?


- + -

Robert Charles Lekowski
November 22, 1985
April 29, 2008

"And if you ever change your mind, you know I'm not hard to find. And if you ever find the time, you know I'm not far behind. And if you ever need someone...I'll still be waiting."

  • Mood: Sadness
  • Listening to: Waiting ~ the Devlins

Devious Information

  • Current Age: 22
  • Current Residence: San Jose, Cali
  • Interests: Writing, drawing, tacos X3
  • Favourite movie: Harry Potter
  • Favourite band or musician: Staind, Placebo, All American Rejects, Thirty Seconds to Mars and LIT
  • Favourite genre of music: alternative rock and big band
  • Favourite artist: Van Gogh
  • Favourite poet or writer: Dean Koontz, Misara Minase
  • Favourite photographer: ...me?
  • Favourite style of art: nothing beats a pencil...and PSP
  • Operating System: windows xp
  • MP3 player of choice: Windows Media Player
  • Shell of choice: crunchy X3
  • Wallpaper of choice: Nekid Justen :3
  • Skin of choice: tan with a hint of gold
  • Favourite game: Need for Speed:Underground
  • Favourite gaming platform: PS2
  • Favourite cartoon character: Daria, Cosmo, SPONGEBOB YO!
  • Personal Quote: "Lets pretend I give a shit and leave it at that."
  • Tools of the Trade: mechancial pencils, kneaded eraser, .002 ink pen, and Paintshop :w00t: :w00t:!

deviantART Notice

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Devious Comments

~EmerinSoul:iconEmerinSoul: Jan 30, 2008, 10:15:45 PM
awww. well goodluck with that venture! ::hands you a Red Bull: X3

--
“You may have foiled my plans THIS time but you will never stop me!”Jimmy exclaimed like some villain on a tv show.“This is where I would Disapparate,but you can’t in Hogwarts.So imagine.Pop!Poof!”And with that,Jimmy ran away.
~drkangelcat:icondrkangelcat: Dec 26, 2007, 3:33:18 PM Mood: Love
Okay I haven't read all your HP fanfics but I am working on it. I just wanted to say I love your work soooooooo much. okay bye :hugs:
*Tohru80:iconTohru80: Nov 1, 2007, 11:55:33 PM
GAH!!!
*dies*

--
"Je-fa-fa dun-ham dot-com!" Peanut

"Silence! I KILL YOU!" the dead terrorist

Snape is my squishy. Dont touch my squishy.
~EmerinSoul:iconEmerinSoul: Nov 1, 2007, 11:51:48 PM
GYAAH! ::tackles:: :stab:

--
“You may have foiled my plans THIS time but you will never stop me!”Jimmy exclaimed like some villain on a tv show.“This is where I would Disapparate,but you can’t in Hogwarts.So imagine.Pop!Poof!”And with that,Jimmy ran away.
*Tohru80:iconTohru80: Nov 1, 2007, 11:50:42 PM
*stops and turns quickly*
:poke:
*runs away*

--
"Je-fa-fa dun-ham dot-com!" Peanut

"Silence! I KILL YOU!" the dead terrorist

Snape is my squishy. Dont touch my squishy.
~EmerinSoul:iconEmerinSoul: Nov 1, 2007, 11:49:49 PM
kay tha- GYAAAAAAH!! *twitch* ::chases after::

--
“You may have foiled my plans THIS time but you will never stop me!”Jimmy exclaimed like some villain on a tv show.“This is where I would Disapparate,but you can’t in Hogwarts.So imagine.Pop!Poof!”And with that,Jimmy ran away.
*Tohru80:iconTohru80: Nov 1, 2007, 11:38:57 PM
[link]

there ya go hun. sorry i upset you.

btw.... :poke:
muahahahaha! *runs*

--
"Je-fa-fa dun-ham dot-com!" Peanut

"Silence! I KILL YOU!" the dead terrorist

Snape is my squishy. Dont touch my squishy.
*Tohru80:iconTohru80: Nov 1, 2007, 11:35:10 PM
lol just a sec and i will link you to that particular journal. i updated my journal since then.

--
"Je-fa-fa dun-ham dot-com!" Peanut

"Silence! I KILL YOU!" the dead terrorist

Snape is my squishy. Dont touch my squishy.
~EmerinSoul:iconEmerinSoul: Nov 1, 2007, 11:32:35 PM
*blink* tag? what? where? whozzit? :confused: OMGwhatdoIdoSTOPOKINGMEEEEE!

--
“You may have foiled my plans THIS time but you will never stop me!”Jimmy exclaimed like some villain on a tv show.“This is where I would Disapparate,but you can’t in Hogwarts.So imagine.Pop!Poof!”And with that,Jimmy ran away.
*Tohru80:iconTohru80: Oct 26, 2007, 8:57:13 PM
tag, youre it. lol
i tagged you. check out my journal. there is some important info in it too, even if you dont want to do the tag.
:hug:

--
"Je-fa-fa dun-ham dot-com!" Peanut

"Silence! I KILL YOU!" the dead terrorist

Snape is my squishy. Dont touch my squishy.
*Tohru80:iconTohru80: Sep 25, 2007, 5:59:31 AM
*giggle*
yay!

--
"Don't move! I said don't move!"
"I thought the police always said freeze."
"Well I am the police and I say don't move. You move, Snow White and you're dead."
"And I say I'm dead.....and I move....."

Snape is my squishy, dont touch my squishy.
~EmerinSoul:iconEmerinSoul: Sep 25, 2007, 3:30:41 AM
PEANUUUUUUT!! ish my sqishee X3

--
“You may have foiled my plans THIS time but you will never stop me!”Jimmy exclaimed like some villain on a tv show.“This is where I would Disapparate,but you can’t in Hogwarts.So imagine.Pop!Poof!”And with that,Jimmy ran away.
*Tohru80:iconTohru80: Sep 19, 2007, 12:48:43 AM
hehehehe have something for you. thought you might like it. then again you probably have seen it long ago. lol
[link]

*giggle* just for a little fun!

--
"Don't move! I said don't move!"
"I thought the police always said freeze."
"Well I am the police and I say don't move. You move, Snow White and you're dead."
"And I say I'm dead.....and I move....."

Snape is my squishy, dont touch my squishy.
~EmerinSoul:iconEmerinSoul: Sep 16, 2007, 4:27:42 AM
WEEE! :boogie:

--
“You may have foiled my plans THIS time but you will never stop me!”Jimmy exclaimed like some villain on a tv show.“This is where I would Disapparate,but you can’t in Hogwarts.So imagine.Pop!Poof!”And with that,Jimmy ran away.
~melancholynz:iconmelancholynz: Sep 11, 2007, 6:05:40 AM Mood: Love
LUFF OOOOO

p.s: Tay luffs you too
~wii-wii:iconwii-wii: Aug 28, 2007, 8:13:08 PM
Thanks for the :+fav: :hug:

--
My First Doujinshi ^____^ Sasu+Naru!!!!

[link]
~EmerinSoul:iconEmerinSoul: Aug 22, 2007, 1:26:23 PM
:giggle: amen!

--
“You may have foiled my plans THIS time but you will never stop me!”Jimmy exclaimed like some villain on a tv show.“This is where I would Disapparate,but you can’t in Hogwarts.So imagine.Pop!Poof!”And with that,Jimmy ran away.
~Snarrynut:iconSnarrynut: Aug 22, 2007, 11:02:31 AM
:nod: Angst makes the world go round.

--
"When the flask was full to the brim, and Snape looked as though there was no blood left in him, his grip on Harry's robe slackened.
"Look... at... me...." he whispered.
The green eyes found black..."

DH, pg 658, last paragraph.
~EmerinSoul:iconEmerinSoul: Aug 22, 2007, 10:04:20 AM
:w00t: angst! <<-- is an angst writer too ^^;

--
“You may have foiled my plans THIS time but you will never stop me!”Jimmy exclaimed like some villain on a tv show.“This is where I would Disapparate,but you can’t in Hogwarts.So imagine.Pop!Poof!”And with that,Jimmy ran away.
~Snarrynut:iconSnarrynut: Aug 22, 2007, 9:02:40 AM
Yeah, a lot of my work is a bit angsty at some point.

--
"When the flask was full to the brim, and Snape looked as though there was no blood left in him, his grip on Harry's robe slackened.
"Look... at... me...." he whispered.
The green eyes found black..."

DH, pg 658, last paragraph.
~EmerinSoul:iconEmerinSoul: Aug 22, 2007, 12:00:37 AM
no prob bob! those ficcys were really interesting...and depressing :cries:...but mostly interesting! ^^;

--
“You may have foiled my plans THIS time but you will never stop me!”Jimmy exclaimed like some villain on a tv show.“This is where I would Disapparate,but you can’t in Hogwarts.So imagine.Pop!Poof!”And with that,Jimmy ran away.
~EmerinSoul:iconEmerinSoul: Aug 21, 2007, 11:59:59 PM
no prob bob!! ^^

--
“You may have foiled my plans THIS time but you will never stop me!”Jimmy exclaimed like some villain on a tv show.“This is where I would Disapparate,but you can’t in Hogwarts.So imagine.Pop!Poof!”And with that,Jimmy ran away.
~Snarrynut:iconSnarrynut: Aug 21, 2007, 10:08:27 AM
Thanks for the :+fav:'s!

--
"When the flask was full to the brim, and Snape looked as though there was no blood left in him, his grip on Harry's robe slackened.
"Look... at... me...." he whispered.
The green eyes found black..."

DH, pg 658, last paragraph.
~wii-wii:iconwii-wii: Aug 21, 2007, 8:52:15 AM
THANKS FOR :+fav: MY DOUJINSHI!!!! ^_________^ :hug:

--
My First Doujinshi ^____^ Sasu+Naru!!!!

[link]
~Atanvarrdo:iconAtanvarrdo: Aug 19, 2007, 4:48:08 AM
thanks for the fav <3